October 9, 2014

9:40 am- Isaac and Olivia are downstairs playing with blocks and watching a movie...oh wait...I just heard Isaac give a scream so I guess things are not as complacent as I thought...well, anyway, I'm writing this morning....wait, here comes Livvy whining...Isaac hit her in the head with a block...ok, kisses and juice have been distributed so now I can get back to writing.
 Yesterday was a day spent contemplating and trying to calm myself down. Jason went hunting yesterday and I knew when he got back that I'd have to have myself pulled together and ready to try and smooth things out. I truly love my husband and I hate being mad at him. I talked to friends, thought a lot of nasty thoughts, but it was when I had finally said to myself, "that's it! I'm not going to carry him any more. He just gets left behind!" that I heard the soft whisperings of the Spirit tell me that this is what husbands and wives are for. To carry each other through the difficult times. After all, isn't that what the Savior has done for me? I felt that peace that I so crave surround me and I knew that my heart had been softened and at that moment I couldn't remember why I had been so upset in the first place. In order to keep that peace in my heart and keep Satan out of my thoughts I put on some conference talks about marriage. I listened to 3 and they were all really good and I kept thinking to myself, Jason needs to listen to these too! So, I had to remind myself that this is for me and my spiritual and marital well being and I need to focus on improving myself and not trying to improve everyone else.
 Nate had such an awesome flag football game last night. He scored two touchdowns and took many flags and he was just on fire. I texted the game results to Jason and that was all it took to break the curse between us. He was happy when he came home and while I admit it took me complete restraint to put a smile on my face and not bring up the drudgery, I was happy to see him home at a decent hour. He snuggled up to me and kissed me long and told me he was sorry. I apologized for blowing things out of proportion as usual and he apologized again for things he said and that was it. I think this is the first time in the history of our marriage that I did not elaborate and explain why I was mad and go full blown into all of the details. I  just let it go at the apology and thanked him for it and then that was it. We were done and happy again and mended things intimately between us because that's his love language. One day he'll learn what mine is, but for now I'll just love him the best way I can for him and accept the love he has to offer me in the way he has to offer it. I prefer that over the anger any day!