Sept. 24, 2014

9:17 am- One of my favorite things in the morning is driving the kids to school. I love listening to my children sing along with the radio and sing their hearts out. I love it when they tell me to turn it up because it is their favorite song (which of course is most of them) and then they just get into it and sing at the top of their lungs. I especially love it when my little Zekey tells me "Mom, up. Mom, up." Because he wants me to turn it up. And then he says, "Mom, up, mine." Because this is his favorite song. And when I turn it up he says, "gank you." And then proceeds to hum and sing right along with the song. Right now as I am writing this, Olivia is sitting next to me singing, "you're gonna catch a cold. Who do you think you are" which is a song she heard on the radio this morning. I love that all of my children have developed a love for music and can appreciate all different types of music...right down to my smallest little munchkin!
3:00 pm- I spent an hour and a half talking to my good friend Lara Orchard about the dilemma I'm having with pulling Emma and Nathan out of school and where to put them next. She talked with me, comforted me, and helped me to sort out my feelings. After I left her I felt better about home schooling Emma. But when I talked to Jason about it I still don't think he's on board. I would have stayed to talk longer but I had an appointment with a Sports Medicine Dr. about my knee. So I dropped the boys off at Lacey's house to play with Anderson and headed to my appointment. The long-story-short version is that he set me up to do some physical therapy to try and get my hips aligned. My hips have always been off center and I discovered that I have mild scoliosis in my lower back when I was about 20 years old. Having children has made this all worse and apparently now is affecting my knees. He thinks that if we work on the hips we will in turn work on everything else below them. It sounds smart to me and I avoid unnecessary tests and surgeries. So we'll try that for 3-4 weeks and see how it goes.
5:00 pm- I picked up Olivia from school and then went home and made some rice krispie treats for after school snack. Made cheese enchiladas for dinner and while they cooked Jason, Nathan and Isaac and I played a little flag football with each other. Had a wonderful dinner and then the whole family went outside and played soccer together with the Silverio children in the front yard. I scored several goals and we had a blast.
11:59 pm- After dinner, while we cleaned up and the kids were outside, Jason and I talked about school again. Em's teacher had sent out an e-mail that talked about what they did in her math class, in response to parents having a discussion about it in her math class. She confirmed a little of what Emma had talked to us about last night...there are a few children who have meltdowns and the ones she mentioned lasted 20 minutes and 30 minutes. It made the decision of pulling her out of school easier because we know that her concerns are valid, but the decision of where to put her is still hard. I know that I am over complicating things. She should just go back to Shelley and it should all just end there. I told Jason that my anxiety comes from making another wrong decision with her. I know Spectrum was the right decision for Maddie...at least I thought I did...she's afraid to go to school because of a boy named "PG3" who is threatening her, "master puppeting" her and threatening her friends as well. According to her he tried to strangle someone and tried to hit them with a chair the other day. What the heck is going on over there?!?!? Anyway, I obviously missed something crucial with Emma last year in school and ended up making the same mistake but on a bigger scale this time. I don't want that to happen again. I really do not know what is Emma's specific problem and I don't even know if she knows. She wants attention but she's not sure how to get it? She wants attention but from who? She wants attention but what kind? What is she trying to tell me?! I sat here for a second and had an awful feeling that made me feel that it is unsafe for my children to go to school tomorrow...I am going to follow it. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow but my children are more important and I will work it out. I hate it when I get these awful feelings about my children. Most of the time I know that they are just my mind playing tricks on me. I think about different scenarios and I have such a fear of something bad happening to my children that they become reality. But I never know what "could" have happened because I always follow my feelings when they are sinking, fearful and just plain scare the hell out of me. I know that those feelings are not the feelings of the Spirit but I think I will feel better about sending them to school after I talk about all of this with the principal. Right now I just fear for my children's lives.
Before I went to bed I watched a movie with Jason...well I watched it, he fell asleep as usual. I watched the new Captain America:Winter Soldier movie. Pretty good! But now my adrenaline is pumped so I'm writing in my journal.
I'm going to post my concerns on the new parents facebook page and then pray, pray, and pray some more and then hope that tomorrow brings better answers than today.